allisonleighann♥: Bloggers Aren't Perfect...Just Optimistic.
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Saturday, May 24

Bloggers Aren't Perfect...Just Optimistic.

I'm not normally one to do a super personal post like this, but after reading about a blogger friend of mine's struggle with OCD and depression, it got me thinking. To a lot of people, it looks like bloggers have "perfect" lives. We get free stuff, sometimes we get paid, and we get to meet a lot of really baller, amazing women (and a few men!) by getting our blogs out there and networking. We document our daily lives and show the beauty in them, the smiles we have for everything and everyone, and the excitement that we seem to perpetually have towards life.
And that's not a lie.
I love life. I love my life.




But that does not mean that it's perfect.

I have more bad hair days than I can count. I feel like I work all the time and never have enough time to go home and see my parents and family. I feel like I should be doing more to invest in my college/career life even though I have a 3.78 GPA and I'm in the honors college, along with just winning the award for highest GPA in the junior English department. I should be better at making decisions concerning friendships, relationships, jobs, whatever. And really, most of my picture are ridiculously silly - such as the above. I just pick out the good ones for posts.
And I have panic attacks.
They didn't start until I got back from Scotland last year. If you haven't followed my blog since before last August, this post will update you on how it all started.
Basically, I got pneumonia and a UTI at the same time and I happened to be dumb enough to not go to the doctor and then it happened to fully hit me with a fever so high that my vision shook and I hit the bathroom floor at my parents' house. I ended up in the hospital ER where they pumped me full of different medications, put me to sleep because some of them were so strong that I couldn't handle it without throwing up, then sent me home about eight hours later to let me sleep and continue treatment there.
It was so terrifying.
About two weeks after that, I woke up around 4:30 one morning immediately in tears. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I thought I was dying because my body felt so weird and I couldn't calm my heart down. I woke up my boyfriend and he stayed up with me while I stayed in the fetal position, wide awake, until 7:15 when we finally got up and he drove me back to the doctor.
 
They ran every test they could think of, and it didn't show anything except that my pneumonia wasn't completely gone. I was so lost at the time, but it was my first panic attack.
Skipping forward, I now sleep with either the television or a lamp on. It's been almost a year and if I try to sleep in full darkness like I used to, a panic attack will absolutely hit me. I have to take medication to help me fall asleep and I still get minor panic attacks even though the huge ones calmed down around Christmas break (hallelujah).
This blog shows the highlights of my days. The happy things that keep me optimistic and keep me going. I love that I get to focus on the good and not the bad here, but I don't ever want anyone thinking that I'm perfect or anywhere near it. I have my faults an oddities just like everyone else. And so does every other blogger. It's what let's us be such good friends to each other - we know. we understand. and we support each other. And I could not be more thankful for all of the people in my life who support me day in and day out.
I love you guys. All of you. The readers, the commenters, the followers...even if you just stumbled on my page and this is the only time you'll look at it, I want you to know that you are loved and supported and you deserve to be happy in spite of whatever your struggle may be.


Happy Saturday! :)
I hope it's lovely
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15 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about the panic attacks, I had one at work a few months back and I wouldn't wish that feeling of pure helplessness on my worst enemy. Thanks for sharing your whole self, not just the happy go lucky stuff, I love your blog! *hugs* to you sweet friend.

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  2. Good for you for sharing <3 I've had panic attacks my entire li so I do understand what you are going through!

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  3. What a fabulous post! It's so true. Bloggers mostly post only the good & best things about their lives. I mean, it's good to be positive and everything, but it's important to remember that no one's life is perfect, no matter how it may seem from the outside! Thanks for getting personal and sharing, Allison! <3 <3 <3 you!!

    xo Megan, Lush to Blush

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  4. I was just thinking about writing a post like this. I've been thinking a lot about how everyone thinks bloggers lives are perfect, and how I've become more and more obsessed with showing only the perfect, shiny parts of my life. But I've struggled my whole life with previously undiagnosed depression and anxiety. I finally went to the doctor after I had my first panic attack this semester. But it can be hard. And I think it's amazing that you were brave enough to write this post. I hope things go well for you. And I love what you said about being optimistic. Keep on keeping on girl! :)

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  5. I try my best that when I read a blog, and I think "Wow, her life is amazing, I'm pretty jealous" to also take a step back and realize, yes, her blog life is amazing, but there are certainly less-glamous, even bad personal issues in the off-screen version of every bloggers life. xx

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  6. This is a great post, and all of it is true. I love that you put your heart out there for everyone to see, Allison. Beautiful<3

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  7. Allison, This post is so great! I am so happy you have decided to share this personal part of your life with us!


    Beth

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  8. Such a brave post. Well done you :) It's amazing how little people really show of their "perfect" lives, and it's well worth bearing in mind :)

    The Oxford Owl

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  9. I completely agree with you! The blog is a good outlet to remind yourself of the highlights or be positive about some of the harder things! I love how I've been able to bring awareness to my illness and even connect with other people who have the same "rare" illness that I have. Their bravery spurs me on, like I hope mine does for them, too!

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  10. This is such a great post. My panic attacks are incredibly infrequent nowadays but they are such a horrible thing to deal with.

    It's always great to show that you and your life don't need to be perfect to be loved.

    Sorcha x Bright Field Notes

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  11. LOVE this post! You are amazing girl :)

    xo
    Whit

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  12. I get panic attacks too. Not as often as you do, but I still get them. I'm a nervous wreck pretty much all the time. Even if I have all the money I need to pay our bills and live happily, I still worry that somehow we won't have it anymore when they're all due. Even if there's nothing wrong in my life, I still feel like there may be. My current blog itself is the product of four blogs gone wrong, my family getting wayyy too involved, ridiculing my every post and thought, and basically ruining all of it for me. I've fought with small bouts of depression without really doing anything about it or telling anyone of its existence, and I'm SO OCD, it's ridiculous. But I've made the mistake of sharing that stuff online (only a little, but still). And I made it my new goal to not share anything but the happy on my new blog. It's my own little paradise. A place to be myself, but the happy version. Maybe it'll help me calm my own nerves down.

    Sarah
    http://fromdogwoodstomagnolias.blogspot.com/

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  13. I like it when bloggers are honest with their readers. It's true, we all have problems, but it's important to focus on the positive, just like you do on your blog! which is an inspiration in that way :)

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  14. The title of this post caught my attention right away. I loved reading your thoughts. I once had a lady tell me in my comment section something along the lines of "It's nice to see rich bloggers doing..." I immediately addressed I was not rich and in fact make little money off my blog. My blog, for me, is just about pursuing personal passion and trying to get my name out there for a future career. Thanks for sharing Allison.

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comment, encourage, or tell me happy thoughts.
any of the three will do. :)

Allisonleighann.

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